Table talk
Well, it is made of stainless steal
Table Talk has learned of a restaurateur in north London who welcomes cutlery theft.
His curious logic is that the cutlery is of a very individual design and light-fingered customers keep returning to his restaurant, taking one piece at a time until they build up a complete set.
The profit from those repeat visits more than offsets the replacement cost of the stolen cutlery.
Pity about those last 27 seconds
Six chefs from Dartmouth's Royal Castle Hotel could hardly fail when they attempted a new world record for peeling and chopping carrots - there wasn't a record to beat.
So the flashing blades duly wrote their names into the Guinness Book of Records as part of last week's Children In Need appeal.
The six - Dominic Prandi, Glyn Waterfield, Tony Hooper, Nathan Downer, Dave Bond and Martin Cozens - got through a staggering 500lb of raw carrots in one hour and 27 seconds, and raised about £700.
Reserve peeler Steve Wood was also called into action on several occasions while plasters were administered to cut fingers. "It got a bit hairy at times and there was a bit of blood about," said Waterfield.
No tired jokes about the mess, please
In another Children In Need stunt, Ian Barry, catering manager for Nelson Hind at Bass in Burton-on-Trent, swapped jobs with the company's head of security, an ex-Army officer.
The staff restaurant was kitted out with trestle tables and food was served in aluminium mess tins. Army-style treats on the menu included Mucker Soup and Lob-It-In Stew.
So does Nelson Hind plan to incorporate these delights into its menu cycle? "Not really, no," replies Barry, drily.
Best-dressed baboon at the mudhole hop
Doing guests' laundry can be a risky business, especially in Africa.
At the Ngorongoro Crater Lodge in Tanzania, the laundry list has the usual disclaimer that the hotel "accepts no responsibility whatsoever for guest clothing damaged during cleaning". But its explanation is less prosaic: "Please note: occasionally hyenas and baboons raid the laundry yard."
Hang it in the shower room
A flood at the Queen Hotel in Chester uncovered a mystery that has given hotel secretary Elizabeth Allen a new line as a detective.
In what could be seen as a royal flush, Allen found a Royal Pardon signed by Queen Victoria inside a framed portrait of the Queen salvaged from the basement.
It had been granted to a John Bates, whom Allen suspects was once an employee of the hotel. He was sentenced in April 1881 to 18 months in Preston gaol for larceny.
Allen has since been scouring archives in Preston and Chester for details about Bates and his descendants, to date with little success.
Let's just hope the hotel, which now has the pardon on display, does not become known locally as Bates' Hotel.
They were making water babies
Floods seem to be the bane of many a hotelier's life.
The Bryn Howel Hotel in Llangollen, Clwyd, has had more than its fair share. A Japanese guest left the shower running into the plugged bath and then went for a long walk. The deluge went through two floors and into a private room full of banqueting guests.
On another day, newlyweds caused extensive damage after leaving the bath running. The mother of the bride winked conspiratorially and reminded the frantic staff that honeymooners can hardly be blamed for getting distracted.